Lunch and learn
A meeting that takes your lunch and teaches you to resent it.
"The lunch and learn ran long, so it was just a learn."
All hands
A company-wide meeting where good news is announced and bad news is implied.
"The all hands was very upbeat about the very upsetting numbers."
Pre-meeting
The meeting you hold to prepare for the meeting that prepares for the decision.
"We had a pre-meeting to align before the alignment meeting."
Per my last email
Four words that mean I already told you and now I have proof.
"Per my last email, as in scroll up and read what you ignored."
Reply all
A single keystroke capable of ending careers and starting feuds.
"He hit reply all to say thanks and the thread lasted four days."
Looping in
Adding more people to an email so the blame has somewhere to spread.
"Looping in the whole team so this becomes a group failure."
Gentle reminder
A threat wearing a cardigan.
"Just a gentle reminder, which is the third one and not gentle."
Out of pocket
I will be unreachable and emotionally unavailable.
"I am out of pocket next week, meaning do not find me."
Noted
One word that means I heard you and I will be doing none of that.
"Noted, the most final word in any disagreement."
Following up
Email for I know you saw this and chose violence.
"Following up on my follow up to the thing you are avoiding."
Flag
To raise a concern loudly enough to be on record but quietly enough to do nothing.
"I just want to flag that this is on fire, then he logged off."
Out of an abundance of caution
We have no idea what happened but we are panicking responsibly.
"Out of an abundance of caution we reset everyone password at midnight."
Circling back
Returning to a topic everyone hoped had quietly died.
"Circling back on this, said the email reviving a corpse."
Right-size
To make a company the correct size by removing the people in it.
"We are right-sizing, which means the team is now you."
Restructure
A reorganization where the org chart changes and the work does not.
"The restructure gave me a new manager and the same problems."
Quiet quitting
Doing exactly the job you are paid for and calling it rebellion.
"He started quiet quitting, also known as reading his job description."
Quiet firing
Making someone job so miserable that resignation looks like their idea.
"They quiet fired her by scheduling every meeting at 7 a.m."
Culture fit
A reason for a hiring decision that legal prefers you not write down.
"He was not a culture fit, which means he asked about overtime."
Open door policy
A door that is always open and a manager who is never behind it.
"I used the open door policy and found an empty office."
Performance review
An annual ritual where a year of work is reduced to meets expectations.
"My performance review said I exceed expectations and my raise said otherwise."