remote work: workplace slang & terms

WFH

Work From Home. Same job, fewer pants, more snacks within reach.

"WFH day, meaning my commute was eight feet and a coffee."

The most spoken sentence of the modern workplace.

"He gave a passionate two-minute point while on mute. Twice."

A request that turns a relaxed call into a hostage situation.

"Can we get cameras on, said the slide that lost the room."

A way of working that means I will reply whenever, possibly never.

"We are async, so my answer to your urgent question is coming next week."

A schedule designed so you are always in the office on the wrong days.

"Hybrid means I drive in for the meetings that are all on Zoom anyway."

A mandate to commute somewhere to sit on the same video calls.

"Return to office, so we can all be on mute in the same building."

A desk that belongs to no one and smells faintly of everyone.

"I hot desked next to a stranger lunch and a dying plant."

To message someone three desks away instead of standing up.

"I slacked the guy next to me to ask if he wanted coffee."

A daily call where remote workers confirm they are, in fact, still alive.

"Standup is the one time a day I prove I exist."

To send a one-word message that demands a paragraph of context you did not provide.

"He pinged me with just hey and then went silent for an hour."

A digital tap on the shoulder, repeated until you respond out of spite.

"Three pings, two DMs, and an email, all for a yes or no."