Hustle
Doing the work of three people for the salary of one and posting about how grateful you are.
"Rise and hustle. I have not slept since Series A."
#culture
16 entries
MVP
Most Vanishing Person. The teammate whose camera, mic, and Slack dot all go dark the instant work is assigned.
"Assign a task and watch the MVP achieve total invisibility."
Touch base
The corporate handshake of avoidance. Promised often, scheduled never.
"We have been meaning to touch base since the last reorg."
Noted
One word that means I heard you and I will be doing none of that.
"Noted, the most final word in any disagreement."
Quiet quitting
Doing exactly the job you are paid for and calling it rebellion.
"He started quiet quitting, also known as reading his job description."
Culture fit
A reason for a hiring decision that legal prefers you not write down.
"He was not a culture fit, which means he asked about overtime."
Open door policy
A door that is always open and a manager who is never behind it.
"I used the open door policy and found an empty office."
Onboarding
Two weeks of waiting for a laptop while being told to hit the ground running.
"My onboarding was a swag bag and a login that did not work."
Work-life balance
A benefit listed in the job post and revoked in the first week.
"They value work-life balance, said the Slack message at 11 p.m."
Micromanage
To hire smart people and then narrate their every keystroke.
"He micromanages so closely he has opinions on my cursor."
On call
A week of carrying a pager that exists solely to ruin your sleep.
"I was on call, which means my phone screamed at 3 a.m. for a typo."
Legacy code
Software written by someone who left, that everyone is afraid to touch.
"Do not touch the legacy code. We do not know what it does and neither did Greg."
Cold call
Interrupting a stranger lunch to read a script they will never finish.
"My cold call reached voicemail, which was honestly a relief for us both."
Watercooler
The mythical place where culture allegedly happens.
"Remote work killed the watercooler, so now culture is a Slack channel nobody reads."
Bandwidth
A unit of busyness measured entirely by how unwilling you are to help.
"He suddenly had no bandwidth the second the favor appeared."
Optics
How a decision looks, weighted far above whether it is any good.
"The layoffs had bad optics, which worried them more than the layoffs."