Ecosystem
What you call a pile of tools that do not talk to each other.
"Our ecosystem has 14 apps and zero integrations."
Frictionless
Describing a process with at least six required steps.
"The frictionless signup needs a password, a code, and a small prayer."
North star
A guiding metric pointed at by everyone heading different directions.
"We aligned on a north star and then walked off four cliffs."
Table stakes
The bare minimum, described as if it were ambitious.
"Working software is table stakes, said the team without working software."
Synergy
The magic that happens when two departments combine and accomplish less.
"Our synergy doubled the meetings and halved the output."
Synergy
A word executives say right before something gets eliminated.
"When he said synergy in the all hands, the room held its breath."
Tech debt
Yesterday shortcut, now charging interest in production.
"We will fix the tech debt next quarter, said every quarter."
Refactor
To rewrite working code until it is broken in newer, more elegant ways.
"I refactored the module and now nothing works but it is clean."
Ship it
A battle cry uttered moments before the rollback.
"He said ship it, and the incident channel lit up like a holiday."
Hotfix
An emergency patch that fixes one thing and quietly breaks two.
"The hotfix worked, except for the part that took down checkout."
On call
A week of carrying a pager that exists solely to ruin your sleep.
"I was on call, which means my phone screamed at 3 a.m. for a typo."
Bleeding edge
Technology so new that you are the one who finds the bugs.
"We went bleeding edge and the bleeding was mostly ours."
Dogfooding
Using your own product and discovering exactly how bad it is.
"We started dogfooding and immediately filed forty bugs on ourselves."
Legacy code
Software written by someone who left, that everyone is afraid to touch.
"Do not touch the legacy code. We do not know what it does and neither did Greg."
Stand up
To create a server, app, or environment that will immediately fall down.
"We stood up a new service and it sat right back down."
Quick fix
A temporary solution destined to become a permanent feature.
"The quick fix from 2019 is now load-bearing infrastructure."
Pipeline
A list of deals that are all closing very soon and never do.
"The pipeline is healthy, said the rep with one real lead."
Close
To finally get a yes after the customer stopped reading your emails.
"I am about to close, said the deal that has been about to close all quarter."
Cold call
Interrupting a stranger lunch to read a script they will never finish.
"My cold call reached voicemail, which was honestly a relief for us both."
Churn
The polite term for customers quietly leaving and never coming back.
"Churn is up, but engagement is also up, mostly people leaving."